Letter of Rememberies

Dear M,

I started a new job this week. I’m having some of my classic anxiety dreams. Some tacchycardia. Time to start yoga again. In my dreams my car gets stolen repeatedly. I can’t remember where I parked and I meander around parking lots with groceries, that sort of thing. I had some horrible horrible dreams right after you died. I don’t think they were too far off from the reality that we were living the last few months. Now for the amazing news. Good memories are floating back in. Memories from before we had kids, from when we had a nanny and got to spend time together every week without interruptions, memories of our travels, memories of Christmas shopping with you, of well baby check ups with you, memories of silly moments. I have so many new things I want to tell you each day. I’m mostly out of the habit of getting my phone out of my pocket to send you a text. I am still in the habit of checking for messages. I get my phone out of my pocket to check my texts and then wonder why I am holding it in my hand expectantly.




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