Valentine’s Letter

Dear M,

I’m sorry it has been so long since I have written. We have a puppy now. Her name is Murphy M. Her middle name is your first name. She came home on January 7. It is much like having a baby. Initially getting up in the night several times to take her out. At night she sometimes chews on my pillow. When I wake up she looks at me as if to say, “you’re up too?? Well since we are both up, let’s play.” She loves socks, dirty or clean. She doesn’t care. She is all love and joy and play. She has even captured imac’s heart. He carries her around the house and says he will still carry her even when she is full grown, which should be about 60 #.

I was so hoping they would cancel Valentine’s Day this year. We weren’t particularly gushing about Valentine’s Day as couples go. I am reminded of the little things. You would often write me a letter, which reminded me that you loved me. I would usually make something involving photos and words for you. You didn’t know that I needed those love letters every day and I had too much pride to ask for more. I got them twice a year, my birthday and Valentine’s Day. Maybe that should have been plenty. It was as if each night I fell asleep and forgot that I am lovable. I waited for Valentine’s Day and my birthday to be reminded. That’s my crazy. I heard Alain de Boton being interviewed by Krista Tippett on the topic of love.  There isn’t a right one, but instead the work of loving in the face of imperfection. He suggested that the first question on a first date should be “How are you crazy?” Imagine if we both knew ourselves well enough then to even answer that question. 

Speaking of love, I talked to CMcC this week. iMac and I are going to visit her tomorrow. iMac and I have built the trip around two college open houses near CMcC’s hometown. Now that we live in the same state I am vowing to visit at least three times a year. She and I were laughing about me picking unavailable men and about you being the ultimate in unavailable men. How I thought you had taken ill when you decided you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. 

You would be happy that I brushed off my resume and applied for two jobs. The first position would have been a big change and a great commute, but I got a rejection letter five minutes after I submitted my application. I asked my current Director of Nursing to look over my resume. She mentioned a position that would be opening up with my current employer. I interviewed, was offered and have accepted the position. I start on March 6, my Dad’s birthday. The anniversary of Mom’s death, your first seizure and your back to back brain surgeries are coming up soon. Murphy helps keep me from drowning in memories. She pulls me out of the water again and again.

I’m sending the boys to my Molly’s for spring break. I purchased tickets today. So I can stay back and work and earn time off that I can use over the summer. I’m also going to try one of the grocery/dinner/recipe delivery services. So the kids may get some decent dinners a few times a week, instead of me preparing “breakfast for dinner” all the time. That’s all for now. I miss you, but don’t let it go to your head. You drove me bonkers as well.
Much love,

S

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