It occurred to me tonight that I just wanted more. I wanted more time with you in your healthier days when the work of raising a family and earning a living and taking care of everybody was distributed more evenly. More sleep, more free time, more date nights. Every year there was less left for me as all of the other needs were met. Now I am just downright tired and I sometimes have to trick myself into doing easy things. Easy things seems hard. Hibernating almost seems like the right thing to do. It seems like the kids should be easier instead of harder, but that is just my selfish tired self. I just registered imac for the SAT and the ACT. I wished you were here to do it. It would have pleased you. I feel good about who he is becoming. He is talking more, thinking ahead to his future self. He wants to become a psychologist. He gives me good advice in the car on the way home from band. Oh that reminds me that I need to teach him how to drive. I’ll have him drive to band practice on Saturday.
Butter continues to be the little firecracker he has always been. I am getting better at being still during the storms, letting them whirl around and lose energy and being there to hear his story when the sparks subside. I am trying to rack up a whole bunch of parenting skills in a big hurry, listening to some parenting books on CD on the way to work and on the way home. Tonight we hung out with our therapy dogs across the street. They are not actual therapy dogs, but they have that effect on him. He is thinking of becoming a veterinarian this week, but there is plenty of time for his plans and dreams to evolve.
After awhile I will have some dreams again too. Goodnight, sleep tight.