Back at Work, Finding my Way

I took a planned day off on Monday to take Butter to appointments. Monday night I was freezing cold,  running a barely fever. My temperature was 100. I wished I wasn’t a nurse for that moment. Then I could have dramatized the FEVER!! But alas I knew that we nurses are very know-it all-ish about fevers. It isn’t a fever unless it’s greater than or equal to 100.4 degress Fahrenheit, I can hear myself saying. I ached all over. A bit of chronic sinusitis trying to become acute. Tuesday I took a day off to either get my body to fight it or go to the doctors. After 25 years of sinusitis I can tell whether it’s worth the time and money to go to the doctor. It wasn’t worth it this time. Rest, tea, lots of fluids, Mucinex and the usual medications. I worked Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I realized at lunchtime that there was no one waiting for my midday phone call or text. My co-worker Tori agreed to text me periodically so I could be part of the lunchtime reindeer games. We sent emoticons back and forth to each other. I have continued to adjust my hours backwards rather than forwards. At some point prior to returning to work I had this delusional idea that I would be back to full time by my third week of widowhood. Yesterday I surrendered and realized that won’t likely happen within the next few months. The kids need my time and presence and so I will give it to them as long as my employer will allow me to work part time.

Tuesday was the 18th anniversary of my Dad’s death. Wednesday was the 3 week anniversary of Melanoma Man’s death.

I found things to laugh at this week too. I called the realtor/rental agency about my leaky kitchen sink. We had an amicable chat at the end of which I said “Kermit can come work on the sink anytime. Just have him call my cell number first.”

Friendly receptionist said “Ok,  I’ll let Dermot know.”

Me: “Wait a minute, did you just call him Dermot?”

Friendly receptionist “Yeah cause that’s his name.”

Me: “Dermot! Dermot is his name?? I have been calling him Kermit for four years and he has never corrected me.”

Friendly receptionist: “No, he wouldn’t. He’s not that guy.”

Me: “I wish he’d said something. Like ‘Hey I’ll stop calling you Miss Piggy when you stop calling me Kermit!!!”

That had me laughing for the next hour and feeling a little bad too for Dermot.

And we have gone from being frequent pet sitters and dog walkers for my neighbor K, to serious contemplation about becoming dog owners. Some have pointed out that I need to be responsible for another creatures survival like a hole in the head. Others have pointed out that it will be great. I’m not a stranger to living in a menagerie, having spent my childhood in one. We simply hadn’t planned on having pets due to all of Melanoma Man’s overseas work and the uncertainty that it brought to our lives. And oh yes of course due to me being allergic to everything.

I am thinking ahead to summer and yet I can’t even seem to plan dinner or two days from now.


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